| Roses are red
Violets are blue
I will collect these pieces of me you have left scattered
You’re shortcomings I see and will make do
Roses are red
Violets are blue
The glass ceiling has shattered
I can finally feel my body break through |
As I wrote this I couldn’t help but think about how so many of us are set up for a future filled with doubt, anxiety, wounds that will take years to heal, pain that may never go away, hearts that are battered, and to all that I just have to say.. May we learn how to turn all of those things into beautiful art. That art can be on a white canvas, a 8.5 by 11 of lined paper, the wooded area in your back yard, the great blue ocean as you sail away to your dreams, a living human in your chair that just needs a better hair day, the baby in your arms that is soundly sleeping, the grandpa in the hospital bed that has no family to comfort him.. Look around art is everywhere, you just have to be willing to see it.
I’m so tired of tiptoeing around people’s feeling when all I get in return is just to get dragged through the mud
I’m so tired of being lied to
I’m so tired of the dishonesty
I’m so tired of being blindsided, no warnings, no red flashing lights, just a punch in the gut
Does what we have mean completely nothing to them
Once they get the courage and they can’t deal anymore
That’s when they decide to plaster their feelings all over my walls
The walls that I’ve let down because sometimes I let people in too easily [a flaw, I am aware]
Disregarding what that might do to me
And I’m just supposed to be okay with that and take the higher road?
When it’s either something I can’t control or something that they took too personally and made it into something it never had to become…
Are they not aware I would never intend to hurt them and all I ask for is honesty?!
My walls are high and for good reason
Once I let them down, they come down fast
Once I let someone in, it’s like I almost forget my personal needs
I tend to theirs with an urgency
I swallow my pride
I duck my head
I build up thicker skin.. because sticks and stones hurt
And more often than not, the ones that throw them end up being the closest
Am I allowed to just tell you how I feel?!
Of how unfair your actions are
Of how mean your words were
Of how you make me think less of myself
After all, can’t you see how bruised my knees are?
Bruised from falling because I’ve known so many like you throughout my life
Like you to just knock the wind out of me and bring me to my knees
Call it strength
Call it willpower
Either way, I’m tired
A feeling that is like no other
The warm breeze
You’re at ease
Head toward the sky with closed eyes
Away you drift from this reality
These moments are few
Moments of complete serenity
Feeling nothing but the rain drops on your face
Some how this mutes your wondering mind
It’s a place I don’t like to go to. Most memories I wish to forget. A life I lived and choices I made that I regret. Undeniably, it’s made me who I am. Pages that are filled the thoughts of a confused little girl. Not knowing the answers she was begging for would cause so much pain. Who was at fault? She was. She wasn’t, but needed someone to blame so she blamed the girl starring back at her. Just wanted to be away from all the judgement, away from all the chaos and be a child. She never asked for this. Grew up too fast. The days outside playing in the grass while the sun warmed her pale skin, those days are foggy memories. The pain seems all too familiar, all to present. Unlike the absent parent she longed for. Pen and paper. That would calm her anxiety. Hiding away in her room, she felt safe there… usually. Unloading her thoughts, page by page. Since no one else would listen that’s where she spent most of her time, in her head. Too young to understand and no one took the time to explain. She knew she was loved, but she didn’t feel it. Love, it was one of the many questions she had. Love seemed out of her reach.
Years down the road, loved is all she feels and is many times overwhelmed by it.
This is to all the amazing humans in my life at this moment. I am reminded daily just how blessed I am to be surrounded by such beauty and talent. Keep being great! Love and appreciate every single one of you!
Here’s something I don’t share with many people.
“This year I’ve learned something vital. There were certain events that have happen, they kept reminding me of this simple fact; God and His love are constant. Since a very young age I’ve seen people come and go, but when I look back I see a young girl who tried to see passed people’s failures and gave them one hundred and ten percent of her trust. That all changed this year. Unfortunately that young girl had to learn that people, no matter how well or how long you have known them, they will let you down. Quickly the walls came up, trust was not so easily given away, matter of fact I didn’t know who I could trust. As a result of this, I isolated myself, from church, family, and friends. As time passed, I didn’t feel that anyone noticed my absence and soon realized those which I considered my close friends, they moved on. As for me, I just stood in this dark place, alone. Yet that isn’t fully true. God’s soft whisper was always there, ‘You, my child are not alone. Have you forgotten I am here? Right here by your side. You ask me why I let those closest to you to leave, why I allowed your heart to ache. Well it’s simply because I am a jealous God. I am. Child I want you, all of you. Not just a piece, not just one moment of your time. All of you, your time, energy, heart and breath.’ I can’t say I heard the audible voice of God, but I do know when the tears came and I could not pray these were the words I heard within me. I realized He was never the one that left, it was me. Chasing the things that just left me feeling empty at the end of the day. I put more of my time and energy to worthless things and people that ended up leaving when I was ‘too much to deal with’ and when all that came crashing down, so did I. I believe God allowed this to happen, I couldn’t hear Him through all the noise. He needed me isolated from all the distractions, and it was in that silence, I found Him, I found peace. Yes people will come and go, we will go through different season in our lives, but no matter the season may you always know the Lord your God is constant through it all. He is as the sun during a storm. The rain may pour, but just past the clouds the sun is shining in it’s full glory. ‘What if God’s love were like the sun, constant and unchanging? What if one day you realized nothing could take that away?’ -Firebird (Yes that is a quote from a children’s book.) ”
“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, The creator of the ends of the earth, Neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable.” -Isaiah 40:28
I wanted to note that in sharing this I hope it help encourage those that feel isolated and abandoned. You are not alone.
“Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” -Deuteronomy 31:6
To the mountains is where I wish to go.
To zone out all the noise.
Away from the influences of people, to clear my head from everything I just can’t seem to let go of.
To be free, run in the never ending fields of beautiful creation, to be in the glorious silence with the Creator where the only sound is the sweet melody of the bees.
The smell of fresh air filling your nostrils, the flowers in bloom.
Feeling the rush of the wind through the tall grasses.
Seeing the sun rays dance in the water, as the sun sits in a perfect blue heaven above.
Time goes by now it sets along the horizon creating an image more beautiful than any camera could capture.
The air still warm.
The moon full and the stars glistening, some shooting across the sky.
Fire flies coming out to play.
The howls of the wolves echoing off the mountains then fading into the distance.
Eyes heavy, swear I’d never leave Blue Mountain.
(Boy I think I need a vacation.)
What are your hearts desires? What are your dreams? If you had all the time in the world and money wasn’t an issue, what would you do? What are you doing today? If not chasing those dreams then are you working toward them?
One thing I don’t understand is when people say “Man I wish I could…” (and I’ve found myself in this position may times so I include myself when I say “people”). Why don’t we stop wishing and start doing?! Of course this “doing” takes dedication and depending on what you are striving for practice will be necessary, but unless you just want to keep sitting around and wishing of what could be, get to it!
A friend suggested I make a blog so I thought I’d give it a shot.
Taking pictures has been something I loved doing for as long as I can remember. Not even close to being a professional, but hey who said you have to be a pro at what you love doing. All that matters is that you love doing it because at the end that’s what makes what you do meaningful. I have journals from when I could form sentences… sure sometimes they didn’t make much sense, but gotta start somewhere, right? So maybe this whole blog thing is a good idea. Only way to know is to give it a shot. So today I’d like to tell all those dreamers…
GO! Chase you’re dreams and shine!
“What ever happen to the dream that God put in us?
You know before the world told you what to be and what you had to do to be successful,
Before you saw someone else do it and said “You know what, I need money so imma do that.” Before you knew what money was. What’d you want to be? And why’d you let it go?”
-Better Way by Bizzle